Monday, November 21, 2011
I wrote your name in my panties and stuck my hands down them and pretended the fabric touching my skin was your facial hair.
I wrote your name on the inside of my other undies and wore them all day. I felt pleasantly aroused and special knowing it was a secret.
"You are what you love. Not what loves you."
"When I said I loved you I really meant it."
Life's complexities never account for love. It's always more than you bargained for. The problem is it shouldn't be a bargain. "Pay full price always," thats my motto. If you got it at a bargain there's probably some shit that's gonna go haywire. If you do that soft shit half ass soon it's gonna get hard and no one wants something soft to be hard and vice versa. Backfire is not far off from the takeoff if you don't go through the process properly. You have to go more than knee deep in; you have to be all the way wet before something real happens.
Smell the sweat just to remember; it could be the last time due to circumstance that you get the opportunity to really smell that smell. If it's real that smell will stick. Only you know if it's real; you know that feeling deep in your loins where you can just see that person in your mind even when they're gone..you don't forget one freckle you know then that you aren't lying to yourself. It's a feeling of true sustainability that haunts you. The most important thing is to remember to be true to yourself because if you at all feel that inkling of doubt that this could be wrong; you're right. Save yourself the grief; love is not pretty. It effects your soul and outlook permanently only you know if it's worth it. Giving someone that "certain" power over oneself when wrapped up in the beauty and pain of what being in someone's life entails is incredible if it is right.
He touched my soul. This is truth. He did. His lips quivered at the touch of my hand. I grabbed his face, pulled myself in and smelt the heat from his breath in the middle of the street under the smoldering hot summer sun. His feet moving back and forth on his skateboard making him the same height as me in my platforms both of us afraid of losing balance.
I believe I did lose it. I lost my cool at that exact moment and wanted to taste the salt from his skin again but politeness overtook us both and I got in my car and drove off with Ghostface blaring. Looking out of my peripheral vision to see if he looked back to watch me leave and to my surprise he did. He did not know that that day my heart was his and only his.
I was uneasy and knew I wouldn't be happy till I had that again.
Every time she turned the corner she'd see it happen in her mind. Every time she would see a skateboarder in that area she'd look to remember or perhaps catch him. Every time she would see the kind of car he drove she would think of him.
"Sentimentality will be the death of us all," she will claim to herself as she clings to remembrance and the memory of him will stay alive.